- Harlan Ellison
Friends and Family,
I got months worth of notes but I thought I had better start with the present so I’m writing about today. I’ll catch up later because there is some good stuff to tell. Once things settle (which I’ve been guaranteed they will), I’ll start sending out catch-up asynchronous entries.
Here is today, Monday, July 7th, 2008….
Cake. They like cake. And cookies. And coffee. And tea.
This was the welcoming “snack” when we arrived and sat in the Saudi unit’s Commanding Officer’s office which does not have a computer but has many more chairs and couches than you would find in an American military office.
Why? Because they do not get right to business here. They sit and chat about everything from family to debate (politely of course) before any business is discussed.
The senior officers don’t have computers because everything is done on paper and just like the American military of the 50s, they depend more on direct, face-to-face interaction and paperwork than they do on email.
It’s amazing.
Like always, a Sergeant served us coffee or “gawa.” It was as bitter as you can imagine in a little cup but I politely drank it. This time they provided dates (food, not company you jackasses!) which, I was told, would make the coffee a little more palpable.
It didn’t.
As I put the first date I had ever even seen in my mouth, I expected a sweeter experience but I was slightly disappointed. It did deaden the taste of the bitter gawa but it was not exactly a taste explosion in my mouth. More like a ginormous booger.
Bitter coffee and boogers. Mmmmmm-MMMMM!
For this visit, they brought a big sheet birthday cake and sliced it up, giving us the biggest pieces. They also passed a plate of cookies and I was obligated to take one.
If this keeps up, I’m going to be fat as a cow. I told my boss that he can’t come here very often or they will spill out treats like this every time and I’ll be kicked out of the Marine Corps tipping the scales at 300 lbs.
We ate, socialized, and then talked some business. It was the last official visit for the outgoing Colonel and an initial visit for his replacement.
We said our goodbyes, took a look around (making me feel like a General based on how they treated me) and headed back home.
It still stings to call this place “home.”
It’s not. Just a place I stay at for a year until I go back to my real home with Carrie and the kids.
Later in the day, we made our way to watch some shooting and ended up touring a place called “Perfume River.”
Why is it called that? Well, as you may have guessed, it’s not because Chanel Number 5 wafts through the air.
No, the real reason is because this place does not have central sewage. Everything is septic and they hire TCNs (Third Country Nationals) to pump it out and haul it out in big trucks. There is a big convoy of shit trucks that go out and dump it. Kind of a Shit Parade.
Sewage treatment plant, you assume?
Oh no, Gentle Reader. Just a big old lake that gets a solid 50 on the “give me uncontrollable willies” scale.
Why this was something I needed to see from the guy I’m replacing, I don’t know but maybe tomorrow we can go see a slaughterhouse or something.
When we got home, I needed to PT since I ate cake, cookies, coffee, dates, and tea for breakfast. I ate a can of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup for lunch (cost me $2.50 which I reminded myself every miserable bite) but the fact remains, I’ve definitely been intaking more than I’ve been burning for almost a month now so I need to get this PT show on the road.
There is not exactly a huge running area on the Compound (this is how I will refer to where I live for now on), so I’m relegated to a 15 minute loop which sounds paltry based on my past running experiences but let me put these out there:
1. It’s been almost a month
2. It’s Hot as Satan’s Taint here
3. You can cut holes in the humid air
My good old 9-minutes of running with 1-minute walk breaks didn’t even last. I did the loop twice with plenty of stops to dump about 90% of the liquid in my body out of every pore in my body.
After ~30 minutes, I sadly stumbled back inside the villa, changed into my bathing suit, and waded into the pool water which, truth be told, was like lowering myself in a pool of piss.
Not that it was Perfume River. It was just warm from simmering in the sun all day but it cooled me down a little bit.
Still doesn’t make up for lots going in, little going out. But sheer boredom will soon fix that. Until then, I’ve been busier than I will likely be all year.
Trying to suck out as much knowledge as I can from the outgoing because in a few days, this is going to be my football and I need to know the plays.
F.M.L. of the Day: “Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who i was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as 'some weirdo had walked into her house.' I am that weirdo, she wasn't joking. FML.”
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