- Theodore Roosevelt
Friends and Family,
Today I decided since this place is essentially one big beach missing an ocean, I would do the next best thing and go where there WAS water. Namely, the Red Sea.
I had overheard Kate, one of the Aussies here at the Compound (Russ, her husband, was the one who donated a DVD player to me that actually played my DVDs), mention she was going to the beach so this morning, I wandered over to her house and asked if I could tag along. She was going with her neighbor, a Filipina woman, and her daughter, a half Filipina and half French teenager, and was happy to have me along.
I packed a bag and met them at the bus stop for the 45 minute drive to the Intercontinental. That’s the auspicious name they give the beach and reminded me of that SNL skit with Christopher Walken (“The Continental,” I think).
The bus ride was yet another perspective of the insanity that is driving here. The ratty bus churned away as we rumbled down the street and at one point, it looked like it was going to break down which spawned the comment from Kate, “Not again.”
AGAIN?
What “again”?
The bus driver got it going again and we just barely missed another sideswiping in the Roundabout of Death. If I get out of here without one of those damn things buying my lunch, I’ll consider it divine intervention.
We got to the beach and it was absolutely gorgeous. It was a sandy beach with little tables, shades made of straw, and beach chairs. Here is the picture that says it all:
We got set up and then Kate took Melanie (the French teen) out to snorkel while I sat in my beach chair, listened to my iPod, and read my book.
It was quite literally, a day at the beach.
When it was my turn to go out snorkeling, I didn’t know what to expect. This way my view from the beach:
… which, while beautiful, did not convey what was underneath.
I had been snorkeling years ago in Hawaii but it was not all that spectacular since I didn’t have very good equipment and got ripped up by coral. But THIS, this was beyond spectacular. The surface hid a world of unimaginable beauty made of clear water, gorgeous coral formations, and an array of fish that was just unbelievable.
I felt like I was flying. It never got more than 15 feet deep but I was floating above a world of beauty and life. With the rhythm of my own breathing through the snorkel, I was lulled into a state of pure relaxation. For an hour that seemed like mere minutes, I floated around partaking in a visual feast.
At one point, I swam through a school of really tiny fish that seemed to move as one. I found myself right in the middle of them and it was like I was joining their little parade. They didn’t seem to mind that this big fleshy giant was among them and they showed no fear.
In the coral were some protective little bastards, though. I swam up to the cliff and they started getting agitated and darting back and forth. These were smaller than the palm of my hand so what was the big deal, right?
They started darting at me a little and I thought it was kind of funny.
When I got closer, they started to charge me and giving me little bumps with their heads. I couldn’t believe how brave they were but still, what were they going to do? Bring it on little bulldogs. I am the big fleshy giant, if you didn’t notice. Top of YOUR food chain, in case you missed that one too. What are you going to do?
What they were going to do was to get around me and attack me from all sides. Now it’s one thing when you see the little bastards charge from the front and nudge but it’s a completely different situation when they get at your flank and behind you.
This different situation freaked me out. They were hitting me from all sides and suddenly, I envisioned a piranha situation. The hunter had become the hunted and the hunted jerked back and flailed with all limbs to swim away backwards.
Little bastards.
But at least I kept my self-respect in tact. Sort of.
Little bastards.
Soon, I then found myself on a beach chair enjoying the beach away from the mean little fishies.
We ordered lunch and I had a ham and cheese sandwich that I’m pretty sure was not ham but I was hungry. Being attacked by Devil Fish makes a man hungry.
The relaxing day wore on and before I knew it, it was time to head back. I had sat in the shade most of the day or wore a water-shirt so the only thing that was exposed for any significant time was my legs which, coincidentally, was the only part of my body I didn’t put sun block on.
So I walked to the bus stop with red lobster-legs and waited for the bus to arrive. We were all covered in salt and sand so the only thought was of getting back to the Compound and getting a shower.
During the discussion, Kate had made it a habit of throwing in the French words she knew to not only practice her French, but to make Melanie more comfortable since Melanie spoke French and only broken English.
Here is a snippet of the discussion:
(Melanie rubbing her shoulders with disgust on her face…)
Kate: Is the salt sticking to your skin?
Melanie: Oui, want to take je show-wer when we return
Kate: ah, douche
Melanie: Oui, douche
Jason: (no sound, just a look of utter shock)
OK, before we go any farther, maybe it will help if I announce that the French word for “shower” is actually “douche.”
This little factoid is something I would have like to have known a split second before I thought I was privy to a conversation I really didn’t want ANY part of.
When Kate saw the look on my face, she realized what it sounded like and burst out laughing. She was sitting next to me and explained.
Me: “Really. Douche….really… really?”
We continued laughing about this and Melanie had no idea of what was going on. She gave us that confused French look and asked what we were laughing at. I turned to Kate and said “This one is ALL yours, Sport.”
Kate tried to explain as diplomatically as she could but was struggling as we walked toward the bus. At one point, Melanie turned to me and said in her French accent “Do you know theese? What she is speaking of?”
“Yes, (heavily accented) I (heavily accented) know exactly what she is speaking of but (heavily accented) I (heavily accented) am not going to tell (heavily accented) YOU (heavily accented).”
She was so comically confused at this point that I felt a little sorry for her. Kate finally got it across by the time we boarded the bus which was good since it’s really not a conversation you want to have on a Saudi bus full of people.
I had planned on having a quiet night at home and sat down to watch a movie when I remembered that Kate had paid for the passes and her and Russ were going to be gone for two weeks so if I wanted to reimburse her, I had to do it tonight.
So I walked over to their villa and found their door open. Seems they figuratively AND literally leave their door open all the time. I walked in and started talking to both of them. I paid Kate the money I owed her and they ended up inviting me over for dinner since they were ordering a cumin dish and there was enough food for more than just two.
They also made me look through their DVD collection (it didn’t take much coaxing) because they were leaving tomorrow for two weeks and they said I could borrow some while they were gone.
So with a handful of DVDs, I left to say goodbye to Linda and told them I would be right back.
There’s not a lot of “being right back” around here.
Case in point, I left and decided to stop by my villa to drop off my booty. The DVDs, you pervs!
Anyway, as I’m going back to my villa, I run into Mike and his roommate who inform me that the poker group is on their way over to my villa.
I was kind of stunned and said “Um, they are NOT playing poker at my place.”
Visions of cigarette smoke hanging in the air and the place strewn with “tea” and bottles filled my head.
“No, Sir, they are coming to get the chairs and are going to have it at Dave’s house.”
Within a few minutes, I had a bunch of guys at my villa carrying chairs out so I helped them over to Dave’s. I didn’t really want to donate my money to the cause (no chance of actually winning) but I hung out for a few minutes.
Talking to Dave, I mentioned that someone had told me he had the collection of Scrubs. I hardly finished the sentence before he handed me the first two seasons.
OK, now I have a dozen videos and the first two seasons of Scrubs. Back to the villa to drop off my winnings.
Finally, I made it over to Linda’s who was running around packing for her trip. While I was there, a Saudi family she knew came over to say goodbye and their house was, up to the end, just like it always was: full of people, conversations, movement, and chaos.
I found a moment alone with her in the kitchen and gave her about the only thing I had to give. If I would have had more time, I would have ordered her something but I had to make due and gave her a coin with my rank on it and the Marine Corps symbol on the flip side. I told her I hoped it would remind her of me and Mike even though we just got here.
She seemed to like it and I could tell she was not used to being on the receiving end of such sentiment. She is just one of those people that give and give and give so are at a loss when it’s turned around on them.
I said my goodbyes to her and the two boys. It was tough and as I walked away from the house, I couldn’t help but feel a bit empty. I had just got here and just met these people but already, I felt like I was losing friends.
An hour and a half after I was “going to be right back,” I was back at Russ and Kate’s. The door was open (of course) and they had already ordered dinner. Not only did they order dinner but because I had mentioned that curry might be a bit too spicy for me (although I was going to try it), they ordered a tin of spaghetti.
These people are ridiculous.
Before I knew it, they put a plate in my hand, offered me something to drink, and popped in “Miami Vice” with Jamie Foxx and Colin Ferrell. Russ has a huge flat screen with the full speaker ensemble not to mention the Blu-Ray. So I forced myself to eat good food and watch a movie on an awesome set up. It was tough but I managed.
After dinner, they offered ice cream and when I turned that down, out came the popcorn.
I repeat, these people are ridiculous.
The movie ended and although it was late, we got to talking again and I discovered that I can talk to these people for hours. Not out of obligation but out of true interest. I don’t know what I did to deserve meeting these kinds of people but I’m not questioning it. I’m just trying to do it again!
I thanked them for a truly enjoyable day. With the beach, the dinner, the movie, and the conversation, I was deeply thankful of their hospitality but once again, I am losing new friends, at least for a couple of weeks.
But they said they would leave the shed open out back and I could raid it to borrow the snorkeling gear if I needed it while they were gone.
I repeat yet again, these people are ridiculous.
Free FML for Today: “Today, in the spirit of Christmas, I let a spider live in my room. I normally kill them, because I'm scared of waking up with one on my face. I woke up with it on my face." FML.”
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